Hmmm how to make it nice to myself.
Hello I’m Lia. I am 23 years old but I’m an adult with
teenage problems. If I can hashtag one #lianeedstogrowupsoon
Well my mother said I’m supposed to be an adult because of
my age but in reality how can I grow when people are stopping me at every
opportunity I see. So obviously mother
and I got into a fight again because I went home late but come on people who
are younger than I am can go home later than I do. Is it because I’m a loser
who is still at school at my age. They need to understand that I’m old enough to
do it. Okay my fault but when my brothers do it, it’s entirely okay with my mom
and she doesn’t get mad. I see it they are boys but come on!!! I am 23 years
old and still not permitted to go out on a weekday. Not only that before I used
to work now I can’t stop working all of a sudden. The jobs that I find are
great opportunities but since I get to go home at 12 on a weekday they just
shut me down but what do I know.
Aside from that my
mother said “why would your friends go on the limb for you? Your siblings go
out of the limb for you every time” surprisingly I would answer this question
straight to her face but didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Obviously it is hard for me to look for
friends but when I find them they actually go out of their way to take care of
me which is more than what my siblings can do for me. My siblings only care
about is themselves and maybe what would benefit THEMSELVES. IDK if they still
look at me like I’m a child but what I don’t get is they would rather hangout
with people my age or younger but won’t hangout with me because of I have no
idea. Dfklsgjnsdklgnsdklngksdngsg this is what I feel right now. Fuck sometimes
I think I need therapy and just cry my feelings out. What my mother doesn’t get
is these people that I call siblings are assholes that would push me under a
bus all the time. I guess the only person who wouldn’t do that is my sister.
She has always been there for me but sometimes I need to tell myself to let her
go since she has a family but you know sometimes I get so offended when she doesn’t
reply to me making me feel like my problems are so petty but they probably are
for her since she’s an almighty doctor. I bow down sire. Okay now I’m just
making myself laugh.
Okay let’s start over that jumble is random nonsense crap.
Now is the real deal:
1.
Mother thinks siblings go out of the limb for me
but I call one big BULL because
a.
We barely talk about anything in our lives
unlike other people who are hella close with their siblings
b.
They don’t cover my ass like what they would
actually do for one another
c.
They don’t care about my ideas or what I do in
life.
d.
They only care about themselves
e.
They don’t respect me. (they steal a pack of my
stoges or just grab a stoge without asking me)
I just think there are probably more
but I can’t really think about it now. My brothers are probably the nicest
people to others but to me they are just people who wouldn’t want me to be
around them. They always say it “I wish you would go back to the States”. I know
that’s probably how they show affection but what they don’t know that it hurts
my feelings to hear it. it’s like they don’t want to be around me. They don’t even
take precious time out of their bum hits to ask how I am doing. For example Eric. Oh yes obviously I broke up
with him but I still had some hurt inside of me and with Mych I hurted too but
they didn’t seem to ask me about them. PSH I thought big brothers were supposed
to fight them but what happen was Cp had the audacity to hang out with Mych and
side with Mych. DOUCHEBAG ALERT.
I always cover for my brothers make
them look good to my mom how they don’t go home late. Open the door for them,
clean for them when obviously they haven’t done any chore. Well obviously Mito
makes me hatid to school sometimes CP gives me a cig but other than that
nothing really fancy that would uplift my spirits.
Now I’m just rumbling again…..
In conclusion my brothers don’t do shit that would benefit
me in any aspect. Probably in physical ways they do but come on emotionally
that would help me look at them in a different light highly doubt it. What they
don’t know that it bothers me that they don’t want to be around me instead
would tell other people that I am over the top and needs to be looked after.
What they don’t realize is they never went out of the limb
when I was in the States all they wanted was pasalubong not even bother to ask
how I was. I tried to be nice to them but they never played nice to me. They never
wanna hang out with me so I guess that dream is dead.
It’s sad that the three of them get a long but I’m always
the odd one out. At the end of the day they will always say “it’s because we
are older than you” OBVIOUSLY no shit Sherlock. Well I guess I just need to be
by myself and need to stop getting their approval because it will never happen.
What I wanna do with my life is not permitted because she
just says so. I wanna get out of this hole and start searching for who I am. I don’t
wanna be limited to be just doing one thing. Obviously I still need their money
but I promise myself in 2015 I passed the LET exam here and move to the States
and would just do everything that I want. I would be 26 and still be livin up
the life of a teenager needs. LOSER!!!!
If only I can tell my mom all of this but if I did she would
probably rebut everything that I say. GAH I wanna email this to her but I think
I should keep this to myself forever and just show everybody that I can do it
on my own.
