On the limb for you

Hmmm how to make it nice to myself.

Hello I’m Lia. I am 23 years old but I’m an adult with teenage problems. If I can hashtag one #lianeedstogrowupsoon

Well my mother said I’m supposed to be an adult because of my age but in reality how can I grow when people are stopping me at every opportunity I see.  So obviously mother and I got into a fight again because I went home late but come on people who are younger than I am can go home later than I do. Is it because I’m a loser who is still at school at my age. They need to understand that I’m old enough to do it. Okay my fault but when my brothers do it, it’s entirely okay with my mom and she doesn’t get mad. I see it they are boys but come on!!! I am 23 years old and still not permitted to go out on a weekday. Not only that before I used to work now I can’t stop working all of a sudden. The jobs that I find are great opportunities but since I get to go home at 12 on a weekday they just shut me down but what do I know.

 Aside from that my mother said “why would your friends go on the limb for you? Your siblings go out of the limb for you every time” surprisingly I would answer this question straight to her face but didn’t want to hurt her feelings.  Obviously it is hard for me to look for friends but when I find them they actually go out of their way to take care of me which is more than what my siblings can do for me. My siblings only care about is themselves and maybe what would benefit THEMSELVES. IDK if they still look at me like I’m a child but what I don’t get is they would rather hangout with people my age or younger but won’t hangout with me because of I have no idea. Dfklsgjnsdklgnsdklngksdngsg this is what I feel right now. Fuck sometimes I think I need therapy and just cry my feelings out. What my mother doesn’t get is these people that I call siblings are assholes that would push me under a bus all the time. I guess the only person who wouldn’t do that is my sister. She has always been there for me but sometimes I need to tell myself to let her go since she has a family but you know sometimes I get so offended when she doesn’t reply to me making me feel like my problems are so petty but they probably are for her since she’s an almighty doctor. I bow down sire. Okay now I’m just making myself laugh.

Okay let’s start over that jumble is random nonsense crap. Now is the real deal:

1.       Mother thinks siblings go out of the limb for me but I call one big BULL because

a.       We barely talk about anything in our lives unlike other people who are hella close with their siblings

b.      They don’t cover my ass like what they would actually do for one another

c.       They don’t care about my ideas or what I do in life.

d.      They only care about themselves

e.      They don’t respect me. (they steal a pack of my stoges or just grab a stoge without asking me)

I just think there are probably more but I can’t really think about it now. My brothers are probably the nicest people to others but to me they are just people who wouldn’t want me to be around them. They always say it “I wish you would go back to the States”. I know that’s probably how they show affection but what they don’t know that it hurts my feelings to hear it. it’s like they don’t want to be around me. They don’t even take precious time out of their bum hits to ask how I am doing.  For example Eric. Oh yes obviously I broke up with him but I still had some hurt inside of me and with Mych I hurted too but they didn’t seem to ask me about them. PSH I thought big brothers were supposed to fight them but what happen was Cp had the audacity to hang out with Mych and side with Mych. DOUCHEBAG ALERT.

I always cover for my brothers make them look good to my mom how they don’t go home late. Open the door for them, clean for them when obviously they haven’t done any chore. Well obviously Mito makes me hatid to school sometimes CP gives me a cig but other than that nothing really fancy that would uplift my spirits.

Now I’m just rumbling again…..

In conclusion my brothers don’t do shit that would benefit me in any aspect. Probably in physical ways they do but come on emotionally that would help me look at them in a different light highly doubt it. What they don’t know that it bothers me that they don’t want to be around me instead would tell other people that I am over the top and needs to be looked after.

What they don’t realize is they never went out of the limb when I was in the States all they wanted was pasalubong not even bother to ask how I was. I tried to be nice to them but they never played nice to me. They never wanna hang out with me so I guess that dream is dead.

It’s sad that the three of them get a long but I’m always the odd one out. At the end of the day they will always say “it’s because we are older than you” OBVIOUSLY no shit Sherlock. Well I guess I just need to be by myself and need to stop getting their approval because it will never happen.

What I wanna do with my life is not permitted because she just says so. I wanna get out of this hole and start searching for who I am. I don’t wanna be limited to be just doing one thing. Obviously I still need their money but I promise myself in 2015 I passed the LET exam here and move to the States and would just do everything that I want. I would be 26 and still be livin up the life of a teenager needs.  LOSER!!!!

If only I can tell my mom all of this but if I did she would probably rebut everything that I say. GAH I wanna email this to her but I think I should keep this to myself forever and just show everybody that I can do it on my own.